In my craigslist apartment searching I got frustrated ....(if you are unfamiliar about Sf bay area in 1999 every dick, jackass and hairy thought they were going to be billionares and so everyone moved here, then with the bay area's unique cultural array finding a roommate who was not politically/sexually/educationally or emotionally compatible was impossible and renting was in the nyc and up range, ie $1300+ for a studio with shared bath)..... so I posted the following fake ad on craigslist (under a pseudonym, Lance Campres) and became famous for two seconds:
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"Subject: (apartments) Comfortable Bath Tub for rent $1000
Bath tub for rent in East Bay. Can use as a bed. Apartment is nice and in theEast Bay, accessible to any job. Bath tub can fit mattress, must be friendly person who does not mind late night potty going roomates (shower curtain is kind of like a wall).
We are: 1 39 year old chemically sensitive transvestite, 1 21 year old art school student (female) who is allergic to many types of food and pollens (can only bring canned SPAM into the house to eat), 1 27 year old drug using alcoholic (male) who likes to "party" hard, and four dogs.
In order to not disrupt the balance of the animal harmony, we prefer not to have anymore pets or drug users. Person must be out of the bath room/tub by 6 am and can enter at 8 pm.rent is $1000 a month. thank you. lcampers."
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I got a bunch of emails regarding the ad, and it was written about in the SF Chronicle, the Red Herring, and the Wall Street Journal. I was interviewed on some guy's morning radio show in Chicago and also BBC radio in London. Alas, I was not made a millionare with my antics.
Here are some of the email responses:
Looking for apartments sucks, and I appreciated the humor. Thanks!
Ha ha!!!! I really hope you are joking. But that is about the shape of things for anyone trying to find a place!
this must be some kind of joke, right? I certainly hope so...
wow! i am extremely interested in the tub for rent! sounds great! i just became a millionare with my companies ipo and love the ocean, so naturally living in a tub would be ideal! i can pay $1700 a month and first, third, fifth, and last months rent (and a security deposit of course!) i won't cook in the house or use the bathroom and i will keep all of my stuff i a seperate storage unit so you won't be inconvenienced! i would like to move in dec. 1st and would like a 10-12 year lease (fully binding). hope to hear from you soon!
VERY FLIPPIN' FUNNY.........THIS MARKET SUCKS MA SPAM AND SO DO Y'ALL
While tempting, I think there's some specifics missing from your post: * Is it a claw foot tub? * What kind of fixtures? Brass? Stainless steel? * I"m OK with the "late night potty going roomates", but i think i would require that anyone with excessive gas or loose stools wait until morning. Would you guys be willing to consider that?
Claw foot or molded plastic? Twin or full mattress? Iknow you want to maintain the animal harmony. . . howabout a 13-year-old, blind Schnauzer and a Blue Heelerthat might look like a cat if she had a tail, meow-ed,and were considereably smaller and more graceful? We(sans the canines) are: a barely-married coupletransferred out here for work (REI). I: a converted and lesbian. He: the conquerer. Since we got here, we've had considerable opportunity to do some intense product testing (namely, tents andsleeping bags) as we search for the perfect bathtub.Would it help if we were Mormon?You can e-mail us back here: Gracias.
I laughed and laughed and did i ever need to. Thanks again.
Couple responding to bath tub advert. we are:
1. unemployed and living off of donations and food stamps
2. recently kicked out of living room situation
3. excited about the possibility of having FREE water at our disposal
4. two tall people, one might be a boy, one a girl, we aren't too sure, who need a place to sleep from 8pm to 6am, where upon we will arise to our dailyadventures
5. one of us is bald, one of us has dreadlocks. a lot of hair ends up in thedrain. the bald one has dreaded pubes.
6. we both wear a lot of make up.
7. neither of us use drugs. except heroine. which isn't really a drug. it's anecessity. and. it's food.
8. we have lived in various situations for the past six months: two bathtubs,two living rooms, one litter box, one sink, and three garbages (with and withoutrecycling).
9. we don't have a phone number now, but if you are interested in renting us,we can be found here in the wires.$1100 a month.plapp and x
OUT OF YOUR MIND!!This is a joke, right? A mockery on the inflated rent prices in SF and parts ofthe E. Bay?Hmmm...Either way, good fuckin' luck!!!
Hi. I am interested in your bath tub for rent. It says mattress accessible, is that a twin, full, Q or King? Also, my husband and 5 year old child will be staying there too. We have a nice room in a co-op house we are sharing right now, but we feel we need a change of scenery. In the mornings, I will try and move the diapers out of the way of the showerers and bathers, as my husband goes through many per night. Thanks, Lycheea
I am a dotcom professional interested in your tub. I can pay you $3,000 a
week and can be out of it a 3am when I leave for my commute to San Jose. I
have no pets, allergies, signficant other, or life.
Regards,
LD
I am a 14 year old hermaphrodite. Due to my baboon heart, I, too am chemically sensative and prefer to eat only bananas and fava beans. As my favorite pass-time involves throwing dung, the bath room should be perfect! I'll bring my hose to hook up to the tap in order to hose it out before morning occupants.I am currently dating SNL star Mr. Peepers...I hope he will not disrupt the household balance too much. Since this sounds like such a great opportunity, I'd like to bid $2000 per month! Please notify me if I am the winner! Mr/Mrs Pickles
lcampers,I'm a reporter at The Wall Street Journal. I'm interested in talking with you about the ad you placed on craigslist.com. Would you call me or e-mailme if you'd be willing to talk with me for a possible story? Thanks inadvance for your consideration.Regards, Sheila Staff ReporterThe Wall Street Journal.
Hello... Just saw mention of your craigslist ad (for bathtub rental)....Thinking of writing about that, but wonder if you got any response? And of course, how off the level was it? thanks,
Leah
Lan, I spoke to Leah. She gave me your e-mail address. I'm sure she explained to you, we want to talk to you on our radio show. We thought it was a great story. We describe our radio show as if David Letterman had a radio show. It's just fun. Nothing more. The host is Jonathon Brandmeier, and Johnny really wants to talk to you. We are on the air from 9AM-Noon yourtime. Today would NOT be too soon. You can call collect. We're here til 1PM every day. After that, you can leave a message. The whole interview might be 10 minutes long, once we schedule it. Please call, or respond by e-mail. If there's a phone # you want me to reach you at, let me know. I promise it will be a good time.
hi mr. campers, leah passed along your email to me ... i'm a freelancer with the BBC show "up all night" we'd like to chat with you about your ad on craigslist... would you mind if i give you a call to sort out if we can organize an interview?
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